This post is a continuation of my Wedding Day Countdown – 10 things I want you to know before your wedding day. ( Original Post – http://wp.me/p2Uy1y-wv )
Four days and counting! Expectations lead to disappointment.
I think it’s fair to say that living a life of expectations brings disappointment. If we had a better handle on how we responded to life experiences such as being hurt, forgotten, etc., we could overcome the disappointment better. It’s easy enough to say “It is what it is”, but do we really let it go and give it to God? Whether married or single, as we age, this mindset develops and we begin to evaluate how our own responses are working for us. Sometimes, we’re proud of the responses we’ve had, other times we know we could have handled something much better. Then there are the times when the hurt is so deep that we come to a cross road in our life, one that changes everything, and it causes us to think deeply about our response. A hurt that deep, usually comes from a love or trust that deep. Have no doubt, there will come a time like this in your life, and when it does, the foundation you set early in your marriage will be your strength.
There are some areas in life in which I’ve conquered this and I can honestly say it was only through my prayer life. There are other areas that even with prayer, I still struggle, so I don’t speak with any authority here, only an honest testimony of what I believe has helped me walk through situations over time. Prayer and reading scripture are the two most important things that have made a huge difference. They have set my heart at peace and kept me grounded. They allowed me to do and say things that would not be possible otherwise.
God’s purpose for marriage is to teach us how to love more deeply – more intentionally – more unconditionally. In other words to form us into becoming more like Him. This is why I believe that marriage is a sacred bond – one that is not to be broken. It is the place where we will learn the most about ourselves – the good, the bad, and the ugly – and to serve others with a love for Him. This type of service bonds you, keeps you committed to one another. You were created by God for His purpose – not yours.
Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
God created all of us in His image and likeness. When seeing that Adam was “incomplete”, God created a helper so that he wouldn’t be alone. God created two unique, individual human beings – two distinct ways to be human. Both having dignity and honor. Equal, but different. Women are not designed to be exactly like men and vice-versa. Their unique differences are meant to work together. They have different strengths, different gifts. Uniqueness is important to our world.
Don’t fall into the “He/she does everything wrong” trap. You know the one – where you complain about how everything wasn’t done to your liking or “expectation”. Expectations blurr the ‘noticing’ of little unexpected things. While you’re busy huffing and puffing over what you wanted and didn’t get, see if there was something you may have overlooked. Filter the world’s messages with God’s Word. Learn something new about one another all the time. Always be willing to help the other grow into all that God is calling them to be. Let expressing your gratitude become a habit. Begin a gratitude journal when you go to sleep or even a mental note of something special he/she did for you that day.
We have a tendency to want the other person to be a finished product while we give ourselves the grace to evolve. ~T.D. Jakes
To my future son-in-law -I pray that my daughter will grow into a fine wife for you. That she will study you and love you as you need to be loved and that you would be blessed by her caring and comical ways. I pray that you will be quick to hear and slow to speak as you learn to understand her ways. That you will love her as she needs to be loved and she will be blessed by your strength and protection. Amen.
Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, “You owe me”. Look what happens with a love like that. It lights the whole sky. ~14th century Sufi poet Hafiz