I was recently in a discussion where I was commenting on the feelings behind posting pictures of myself before I lost a lot of weight vs. the pictures of me currently.  More than half of my life has gone by and the truth is that those pictures will always be my memories.  They are my children’s childhood, vacations, celebrations; they are my life. I don’t want to forget any of those moments, yet to look at those pictures makes me sad and frustrated.  As I mentioned this, I was challenged and asked why I felt the way that I did. The words that came out stung – “They’re embarrassing” I said.  A discussion ensued around those feelings and being in this particular environment where the energy is positive and the mindset is to move forward, I was left with responses to truly ponder.

It’s been a while since I’ve posted in Media Monday and as I’ve expressed before, music and lyrics have a way of reaching into the depths of one’s soul to speak the words only our innermost self can express.  The song I chose for today by I Am They spoke deeply to me as if God Himself said, “child sit down and listen to me”, right after this discussion.

Despite what I may have thought and felt deep in my heart, God was always there.  As I look back, I see with open eyes the people He placed there to bring me joy and laughter and most especially love.  For every negative emotion, there was always a positive response in my life.  Parents who loved and nurtured me wherever I was.  A husband who faithfully stood by my side, even at my worst.  Children who needed the love and comfort of their mother’s arms and tender touch. And friends and family that filled the years with laughter and adventure.

Without the scars, I’d never know the depth of my Father’s love.  In those dark moments, I found Him and He waited so patiently for me to learn the lessons He wanted to teach me.  If we don’t experience the darkness can we ever truly appreciate the sunrise?  This new gift of life that I’m experiencing is being lived out with such gratitude because I get to look back from the other side and see just where He can take me.  My story, despite its scars, is what He is using for others to heal.

So I put away the feelings of this world and trust in the One who knows me best and I move forward without fear knowing I am not who I was before, but who I was before will always be a part of my story.

SCARS – I Am They