Mum,
There is so much I didn’t understand back then, but now I do.
I never understood why sometimes you would look at me for the longest time.
Now I know, you were wanting time to stand still.
I never understood why sometimes you would sit with your head in your hands.
Now I understand, you were hiding your tears.
I never understood why you always told me I could do anything.
Now I do, you were the first person who believed in me.
I never understood why I missed you for what felt like days.
Now I understand, you were working around the clock just to keep us afloat.
I never understood why when I was hurt I only wanted you.
Now I do, you’re the safest place I’ve ever known.
I never understood why in so many photos your dressy outfit was always the same.
Now I know, because ours were always different.
I never understood why you cried on my first overseas trip alone.
Now I know, I was yours but never yours to keep.
I never understood why you stayed up at night waiting for me to come home.
Now I know, the worry never stops.
I never understood why you would say, “one day you’ll see”.
I see now, you only wanted what was best for me.
I never understood why sometimes your hugs lasted that little bit longer.
Now I know, you needed one more than me.
I didn’t understand so much back then, but now I do.
I love you.
I understand everything now.
Words: Jess Urlichs
Art: @brooklyn_rabbit